Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
