i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
