tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just high enough for therapy.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
