Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We need to get me chipped asap
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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