Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
