Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
