I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
