is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
