dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We just shotgunned beers for America
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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