$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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