Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
