how can u be prego again
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
