Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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