imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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