im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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