New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
