everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
