I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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