Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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