do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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