I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
