I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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