i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
