i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
