My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just cropdusted the office
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
