TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize