i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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