Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
