Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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