Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
