He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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