i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
