You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
