i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You ruined the universe
Randomize
