i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
