Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
it's like iHOP with fire
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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