I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
