He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
