when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize