Do you still have your period?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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