The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
