Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
