Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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