It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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