No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
