it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
