Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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