Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she woke up with a sticky ear
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
