i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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