Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I deserve this hangover.
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