Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
