i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
