Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
