I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
