So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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