Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
