I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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