My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
