my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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