Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
