So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
