tell your sister to shave her snatch
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
