I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
