Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize