So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
